Yesterday I hit the "halfway mark" of this preganancy as my baby bump is now 20 weeks gestation!
It's so hard to believe that time has flown SO fast and this pregnancy is already halfway over!
I haven't blogged much throughout this pregnancy. Not long after I found out about this little miracle, my morning sickness and first trimester fatigue kicked in FULL force and lasted until about 15 weeks or so! Around that time, we moved and I've been super busy dealing with other matters of great importance... so unfortunately, my blogging got put on the back burner.
Luckily, my energy is back! I'm now getting a start on planning this pregnancy and all of this preparation is getting me so excited and anxious to meet the little one inside who we now call "Baby Gummy Bears", thanks to little Nuni (he came up with that sweet nickname).
Things are going according to plan so far, and I couldn't be more thrilled!
I've picked out a wonderful midwife, and she will be assisting in my homebirth! This will be my first home birth and I am SO excited and SO ready to birth peacefully and naturally. The sense of relief that I get, knowing that I will (ideally) not have to endure the hospital environment and all that is involved, is a feeling that is indescribable.
I've also picked out a Doula, and I believe she will be assisting my midwife as well. I am thrilled about that, because one of my few anxieties about having a homebirth was that I was afraid that too many people in too small a space might throw off my focus during the birth. With my doula doubling as a midwife's assistant that is one less person, which is good news to me! I'm so excited about getting this birth team together! I'm still on the fence about whether or not to hire a birth photographer. On one hand, it would mean so much to me to have my first home birth documented with pictures, on the other hand, that is one more person, and I'm afraid that if someone who I am not familiar with is taking photos of the process, it might throw off my focus or the "energy" that I would like to accomplish.
We've stuck to our plan to keep the gender of Baby Gummy Bears a mystery until the day he or she is born! It makes me THAT much more excited for the day I get to meet this little one, and learn if I've been carrying a boy or a girl this whole time! Almost everything we've bought for this baby is gender neutral. We have a lot of green, yellow, white, and "natural" colors. We also got a few blue things, but we plan to back them up with a few blue headbands/bows just in case!
So far every single thing that we've bought for this baby is organic! We planned to go 100% organic with this baby, and I can't believe it, but we've actually stuck to the plan! So far we have an entire lot of organic newborn cloth diapers and diaper covers, organic blankets, clothes, towels, baby products, and toys! We still have much more left to buy, but I feel like we're not doing too bad for 20 weeks.
I still have most of my baby stuff from my previous kids, but by now (after going through at least 2 kids, some things have gone through 3 kids) they're ready to be replaced, so we figured, what better way to start over than to get everything organic? We're trying to buy as much secondhand organic things as possible (and have been really lucky with some finds!), but when we must buy something new, we fund it by selling something that we already own and giving it a new life for someone else. It's our goal to leave as small a footprint as possible.
My mind is filled with hopes and dreams for the perfect healing birth. I know it's not likely that 100% of these dreams will come true, but this is how I imagine my IDEAL birth...
When I picture my home birth, I imagine it starting out happy and lighthearted in the early stages. I would like to laugh with my husband while watching a movie, eat something delicious, bounce on the birthing ball and even let Nuni bounce with me! When the labor picks up and it's time to call in the midwife and doula... I imagine the lights being minimal, candles placed throughout the room that I am birthing in, herbs in the tub, aromatherapy around me, floating candles in the birthing tub, incense in a nearby room, my huge mandala tapestry in front of me as a focal point, and very soothing music that I am familiar with. I will have a birthing pool, but I'm not quite sure yet if I picture myself actually giving birth in the water, or just laboring in the water. (I guess I'll have to follow the lead of my labor and see where it takes me.) I want my husband in the pool with me, arms wrapped around me, moving with however my body feels the need to move during labor. I want him there with me through every step of my labor. I want him just as much a part of the labor process as he was involved in creating this life. I imagine the doula advising my husband on ways to assist the labor process and ways to comfort me. I want to sing during labor. I want to nurse Nuni during labor. I want to kiss my husband during contractions. I want to even dance (if I can). If Nuni can handle the situation well, I would love him there for every minute of it. If he gets overwhelming or scared, it would be nice to know that he is playing happily in the next room with someone he loves and trusts. I would love to have wrapped presents for Nuni saved for the day that I give birth, so that he can have something new and interersting to entertain him throughout the hours. I want to hum during transition, almost meditatively. I would love gentle reminders that my body is meant to do this, that I will not be given more pain than I can handle. I want to embrace the rushes, and listen to my body, moving in whatever position my body is telling me. As my baby is descending, I want to reach down and feel my baby coming out of me. I want to catch my baby, and with the help of my husband, bring him or her directly to my chest, as we discover whether we will forever have a new son or a new daughter in our lives. I want to nurse my baby almost immediately. I want to smell the sweet natural scent of my freshly born child. I want to keep my baby's cord attached until it has turned white and no longer pulsating, before my husband cuts it; a symbol of him seperating the physical bodily attachment between mother and child. I want my husband to assist with anything that must be done with the baby as I prepare to birth the placenta. I would love to have a small slice of placenta placed under my tongue to help prevent hemorrage. (Maybe even take a bite if I'm feeling brave and animalistic!) I would love Nuni to see his Baby Gummy Bears go from being a "baby tummy" (as he calls it) to becoming his new brother or sister! I would love for Nuni to be one of the first people to hold our baby, besides Daddy. I want to keep my baby to my bare skin and rarely ever put him or her down unless I absolutely must (to be weighed and such) for at least the first 24 hours. I would love to be able to shower away the sweat of labor, get into the comfiest of clothes, maybe eat something, and go right to bed with my family for some much needed rest.
One may notice that the vast majority of my dreams for this birth directly involve my family. I realize that my midwife, doula, and everyone else on my birth team will play a very active and wonderful role in my birth. I'm not quite positive yet what to expect, since this will be my first home birth, but I can't wait to incorporate the wonderful women on my birth team into this "dream scene" when the big day comes! Who knows if, 20 weeks from now, my birth will be anything like this? Birth is so unpredictable and so instinctual! I'm so excited to see how the real birth story will pan out! One day I may look back on this "vision" for my home birth and laugh! Who knows?
All I know is that I feel as though I am ready. This time, I'm ready to experience birth as naturally, as beautifully, as memorably as possible. My dream is for this experience to be the healing birth that my soul has longed for all of this time.
Love,
Boheme Mom
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