Thursday, November 8, 2012
My Husband's Restoration Journey Part I
NOTE: I hesistated to write this article for a while now, because of the very personal nature of it. But a few days ago, I asked my husband how he would feel about me blogging about his restoration progress, and surprisingly, he told me to go for it! It means a lot to me that my husband is working towards a goal that is so important to him, and the fact that he is allowing me to share his story, really goes to show his desire to reach out to others who may be able to relate, or use his experiences to make an important decision for themselves regarding circumcision or restoration. If anything can be taken from this, please take note that what is done to a baby boy will eventually turn into what has been done to a man...a man who has the ability to think for himself, gather facts, and decide that he may not be happy with having no choice over an alteration that occured to his own body. If you take anything from this, take advantage of the links and resources that I've provided, and see for yourself the things that we have learned over the years. Of all things to take from this, please do not take offense. As you will see, I am certainly not 'perfect'. I've made my own mistakes and learned from them. My only hope is that you may see this issue from my husband's point of view. For his perspective is not uncommon at all among modern men today. Thank you!
Part I - How It All Began
It all started when I got pregnant with our son nearly 3 years ago. I asked my husband "If he's a boy, would you want him to be circumcised?" My husband honestly didn't know. My husband is a smart man with a very independent and critical way of thinking. He doesn't follow trends or jump to any conclusions without the facts. This is something that I admire about him so much!
At the time, I was venturing into the world of the all-natural. My first son (who is now almost 5) had been circumcised a few years earlier against my better judgement, only because his dad (my ex) insisted upon it. I'll never forget the regret I felt when they brought him back to me from the nursery that day. Something stung in my gut, I knew what had been done was wrong, but I didn't know why. All I knew was that every time I changed his diaper, I wished that I could turn back the hands of time and not allow anyone to change him! I knew he had been perfect the way he was born, and seeing him altered, reduced, and in pain was nearly unbearable. I tried to believe what the people around me were telling me, that it's "for the best" for various reasons (that I now know to be false). Afterall, every male in our family, and nearly every male that I knew, was circumcised.
When my husband and I got pregnant with my second son, I didn't know the facts yet, but I did have a longing to make a knowledgable fact-based decision, as did my husband. We decided to look into it.
On our journey towards knowledge we stumbled across some amazing sites such as Circumcision Information and Resource Pages and National Organization of Circumcision Resource Centers which helped us to make our quick and final decision. Upon researching, that stinging-gut feeling that I had with my first son made perfect sense. It was the feeling of guilt, regret, and sadness, for allowing a functional, healthy part of my son's sexual anatomy to be taken away without his consent. It was so interesting to learn about the various functions of the foreskin, the truth about what is really involved in the procedure, what is really taken away with circumcision, and the many complications that are likely to arise because of it.
I'll always remember my husband's voice shaking with sadness and anger as we read that information, when he declared, "I've been ROBBED!". Yes, the facts and evidence were very convincing to help us make "our decision", and it became very clear to us that circumcising our son was not an option... But honestly, Nothing could have possibly made me feel more hatred towards this procedure than seeing the grown man that I love most in this world hurting and realizing the injustice that had been done to him when he was only a helpless baby. From that moment on, my husband became anti-circumcision, and I stood right by his side. My husband went through months of anger and resentment that he not only had NO say in what happened to his own sexual organ, but that his parents paid someone to take away his rights and bodily autonomy, and rob him of a normal, natural sex-life the way that nature intended it to be. We also discovered that some of the many complications that are common among circumcised men, were things that my husband was experiencing. He just never knew that they were not "normal".
For instance, whoever the jerk was who circumcised my husband, circumcised him so tightly that it left him absolutely NO slack skin whatsoever. Because of this, when he became erect, he would feel a tightness, a stretching, a strange pain, and some of the skin from his scrotum would have to be "borrowed" to help accomodate the erection. His penis would appear shiny from the stretching. This lack of slack has also resulted in several instances of painful intercourse, for both of us. Oftentimes, I would be very sore for hours, sometimes days after we would have sex, despite a generous amount of natural lubrication (which we've come to learn is actually drawn out by a circumcised penis, making it less effective in function.) (Click here for more info on how circumcised sex harms women). There were even a few instances, especially in the beginning of our intimate relationship when we were discovering our "groove" together, that parts of my husband's shaft had been literally rubbed raw from the friction. From what I can tell, this was very painful to him, and something no man would want to go through. If I remember correctly it would take over a week to heal.
My husband also suffers from very bad scarring from his circumcision. He is of decent average size, but literally half of his shaft is scarring. This was something that he had always found embarassing in the past, and he would attempt to hide the scars from his previous girlfriends. The scarring is also very apparent on his glans (the head of the penis), and you can practically see the process where the doctor had to tear and pry away my husband's foreskin that was fused to his newborn glans. Because of this scarring (and the keratinization due what is supposed to be an internal body part being constantly exposed to the elements and brushed against his clothes) he admitted to having a very de-sensitized glans. He would even sometimes get sensations that were somewhat painful to him in that area.
Sadly, his frenulum (which is supposed to be the most sensitive part of the penis, the "male g-spot" it's called) is now non-existent, as it was completely amputated during his circumcision.
On top of that, throughout his entire life, my husband has had to deal with meatal stenosis (a narrowing of the opening of the urethra, seen primarily in circumcised boys, that requires surgery to correct), which sometimes makes it difficult or painful for him to urinate, especially after intercourse, which causes him much frustration.
There are a few more things that I won't go into. However, I will say that all of these complications I just mentioned (and many many others) are, sadly, very common among circumcised men.
I will also say that I don't, in any way, think any less of my husband's "member", or our sex life because of these things. He's a wonderful man, with an amazing skill of keeping his wife pleased. He also had absolutely no say in his circumcision, he is a victim of another's choice; so it would be ridiculous for me to "look down on him" because of it. (I have to mention this because I literally had someone accuse me of "looking down on my husband" because WE are both against the practice of circumcision....yeah...) I love my husband, I love our intimacy, I love everything about him. But the point here is that once my husband learned that these complications could have been prevented, that his and our sexual experience could be even better than what it is, he found it quite upsetting. He simply couldn't live with the fact that his parents made a decision about HIS body and HIS sexuality that now only HE and WE (as a couple) have to live with.
Throughout my entire pregnancy with our son, we gathered more and more information, and enthusiastically shared our newfound knowledge with one another. It was during this time that we discovered the amazing process of "Foreskin Restoration", the amazing Ron Low and the TLC Tugger.
Finally, there was a remedy. We were thrilled! As I mentioned before, we already had a great sex life together, so imagine our joy when we found out that there was a way to make something AWESOME... even MORE AWESOME! Although restoring his foreskin would NOT bring back his 20,000+ pleasurable nerve endings that were amputated, his "ridged band", his frenulum, fix his meatal stenosis or reverse his scarring.....It WOULD allow for him to regain the "gliding motion" of a foreskin, conceal his glans and reverse the keritinization that occured, allowing for more sensitivity and pleasure. It would also give him a sense of control over his own body and sexuality, which is so important to him after these past few years of feeling robbed of his own bodily integrity.
(TO BE CONTINUED....)
In Part II, I will describe my husband's first attempts at foreskin restoration, and the progress he has experienced so far.
Thank you so much for being a part of this healing journey for my husband! If you have anything to offer, please give him your greatest words of encouragement, advice, experiences, or anything else that may help him throughout this time. It would be much appreciated!
I ask that if you find this article offensive or feel the need to give pro-circumcision information that contradicts the facts that I have presented here, please just choose to pass. I promise you, we have heard it all. Every argument, every contradiction, it will not be new to us. We have been constantly researching this subject for 3 years now. We have literally spent hundreds of hours gathering information that has helped form our views. We have been a part of more debates on this subject than can be counted. We are very confident in our perspective about circumcision, and feel that restoration is the right choice for my husband. Please keep any negativity to yourself.
Boheme Mom & BluJay